THINK BIG

oh , the thinking stuff again. but dont worry , this one wont stress your brain the way it did in earlier posts. i only aim to drive home the point that opportunities knock at the doors of all of us. the lucky ones are actually those who can think big when the situation presents itself. chalo, enough of lecture baazi , i will get on with my story.

but for the benefit of those not well versed with hindu mythology, there are our evil frnds who always pray the hardest to appease our Gods. then the first thing they want to do is to dethrone the God himself. and traditionally our Gods have always been the most gullible of the lot. they always get pleased and concede to all demands made by the evil frnd.

so there was our evil frnd again praying for years long doing all sorts of things that ramanand sagar had shown you, like hanging upside down on the trees for days, standing on one leg for weeks, going without food for months n all that. but he had designs as evil as he was. like all our evil frnds he wanted to rule the universe, and enslave the god himself. our good old gullible god knew of it all, but was in a fix now.

the crisis emerged and as always god had to outthink the evil.

so he gives audience to the evil frnd.

" son, i m so pleased with you . say what do you want of me."

" god i want to ......... oh god some one help me with this itching on my backside."

" son , as you wish. your itching will stop immediately."

so the god conceded to his wish and left to enjoy the company of rambha and urvashi, putting back the itching powder in his pocket.

the evil frnd was thinking ," just when i had to think of owning the universe, all i could think was this itching."

THINK BIG

thought for the day :THINK

Have you ever picked up a shirt or a trouser (gals pl make suitable replacement if you are not shirt/ trouser type) that you had not put on for quite some time, put your hand in the pocket and suddenly found a hundred rupee note. Great feeling…. eh. Those of you who haven’t had this experience are a bit too organized to have such simple pleasures. There is no greater joy than finding a thing you thought you had lost. I experience it far too frequently. While I m working in the office I find my pen ten times a day because I loose it ten times a day n the ocean of papers/ files, so have I found my key ring, notes, watch, diary, purse and mobile.

When a thing is lost (or you presume it to be lost while it is only misplaced) there is a great anxiety and so many thoughts work up in your mind. You promise to be more careful, better organized, you pray to the God for ‘ this one time only’ and some time you make some real weird promises to your deity.

So this piece of nonsense is just another promise kept. I owe it to my mobile which I discovered at the dead of the night that I have lost it, by early morning I discovered that I cant get it before mid day if et all I can get it and till mid day this was the most voluminous thing occupying all my thoughts. And did I tell you of the promises that I made…Like being a good boy, a weird one like writing a new post even if not many ppl subscribe to it and the weirdest of all – ‘I will put on helmet religiously while driving for at least seven days’ (think of it, how the hell is putting on helmet connected to the lost mobile).

Thoughts as they occur to you are very different from purposeful thinking which takes a lot of energy, . Haven’t you heard that coming to a conclusion is just another way of saying that you have got tired of thinking? So here a few ways of thinking: -

(a) painful thoughts. Just notice the fact that it is a thought that has occurred to you and you have not conditioned it. but you can not escape the thought of the misery that has befallen you.

(b) sequential thinking. I try to go about it sequentially as to how did I start my day, where all did I go, the office, residence, café, the vehicle I was sitting in at the same time trying to recollect where all I used my cell.


(c) pictorial thinking. then I try to pictures location by location like when I was there in the shop, I put my hand in the pocket, took out my cell ( or not) put it on table ( or not ).

(d) lateral thinking. Like ringing up my cell no to see if it is hidden under the pillow or behind the curtain or inside the files. (Doesn’t fall in the category of lateral thinking ,but had to add it for want of better example). Or may be my good frnd is playing pranks on me who can this good frnd be?

All the above type of thinking fall in the gambit of rational thinking because they have some logic behind the thought. They are however interrupted by some irrational thinking.

(e) Fearful thinking. No one dies of hard work but why take a chance…right?? Yeah all the time I am afraid that my mobile has gone for good.

(f) Preconditioned thinking. All my sequential thinking, pictorial thinking and other kinds of rational thinking is marred by the prejudiced notion that the mobile should be under the pillow and I leave all the search half way to pick up my pillow and find nothing underneath.

(g) Wishful thinking. When wishes father the thought then every thing seems so rosy, suddenly I find myself dreaming that my good frnd of lateral thinking has had enough of fun and he is soon returning my cell to me.

(h)……..

(i)….

(j)…..

……….

………

while you may be thinking what I am thinking next, think along – that’s the food for thought for you. I have reached the conclusion because I got back my cell.

Don’t believe me?????? Call up at 9410233346 to confirm.

knowledgeable??????????

newton ruined my chances way back when he discovered gravity, Edison did the same with the bulbs. these oldies haven't left much for me to do. if only i had dated back some 500 years ago. but then, these days every second day there is a new gadget in the market - some mp3, some ipod, some apple or black berry (or mango or cheeku for that matter) always surprises me and off course leaves me disappointed with another missed opportunity to serve the mankind.

however, i am always enthusiastic about what other lesser mortals have come up with and seek to know what is what.

so i was travelling in a hired innova the other day. it was again the latest model sx4, tx 4 wx6 (why do all these vehs come with x ratings) or i don't know what. as we started on, the dashboard seemed to be a running light and sound show. naturally i got curious and flooded the driver with whole lot of 'whats' and 'whys'. the driver seemed to be quite knowledgeable and with great enthusiasm he explained to me all.there was some display showing you fuel, some showing you oil, the odometer, speedometer, one to tell you that you have travelled this much, then the compass. . then there were lights of all kinds left indicator, right indicator, fog light, pass, don't pass, brake, the light to tell you the rear door is open or the boot is open.

but then i was stuck up at one blinker, couldn't guess what it was blinking for.

" ooh it's nothing , it only shows that i have not put on my seat belt". he didn't fail to add " the cops wont know , there is no blinker outside".

this left me quite confused as to whether i should appreciate his knowledge or the lack of it.


passing thought :
when an apple falls from the tree, the genius sees the gravitational force.
and the wise man sees a tasty fruit to eat.

read between the lines

Blame it on govt or society or history or geography; even biology if you feel so, i call it economics - simple equation of demand and supply. but the matter of fact is that marriageable gals are becoming precious and precious gals are becoming more precious. the matrimonial columns looking for suitable grooms are becoming more and more demanding. all the difficult words from dictionary are finding place in the matrimonial columns.



so there was a column inviting grooms ( or superman ) with following specifications:-



" should be tall, handsome, charming, quick witted, intelligent, caring, well settled, modest, humorous". did i call him superman ...well, inject a few more adjectives that i might have missed.



the gal was precious, so the column was well received and even better reciprocated. but you know ' har kisi ko mukammal jahan nahin milta , kisi ko jamin to kahin aasmaan nahin milta' . somebody was not tall enough,the other was not charming enough, somebody talked too much, the other listened too much.



it was not difficult for the gal to reject all of them out rightly. the difficult one came when someone came with a proposal " hey, i am none that you are looking for , save one. i am not so tall, not so handsome. charm keeps at arms length from me, humour escapes me except when i am the one being laughed at. i am often at my wits end when looking for a witty reply, intelligence can be graded average at best. all i can say about me is that i am quite MODEST



hellllllllllooooo .... what do you say m'am"

CONCERNS OF A 30 SOMETHING

Hey gals, the situation are very bleak demands immediate intervention of a tender heart. A 25 yr young guy, seemingly settled, with no disabilities (visible or invisible), friend circle decent enough to call him social and no GIRLFRIENDS????? Oh, ppl take it for granted that I should rightfully have a girlfriend. The general niceties start with ‘ man, how are you and how are your girlfriends (pls note that ‘girlfriends’ is no mistake of grammar, it is meant to be plural).All the charming one liners that my frnds have tried on their galfrnds and succeeded are on my fingertips , only they never reach my lips.

so it made me think , what if the situation doesnt improve down the line. i will sure get some vices - diary writing will surely be one of them. so read on what my diary entry would look like five years hence:-

08 jan 2012

at home

The New Year brings no joy sitting in a corner at a party with a bunch of morons who are destined to share the same fate as me, but the valentines day is even worse when I have to be contend with wishing my heartfelt love to all my friends’ girlfriends.

It was all acceptable till I was made to confront a very harsh realization, rather innocently by one of my juniors. He had returned from a course and like a very good senior I was taking feed backs from him about the course. During the conversation he mentioned one of my course mates and I naturally told him that this guy is my course mate.
“ Sir! He is your course mate!!!!!!!!” (You should have seen the look of amazement in his eyes.)

“Yeah, of course, he is.”
“Sir, he looks so young.”

There was such innocence in his voice that I couldn't tell him there that he was in fact calling me an oldie.
Anyways. I set out on yet another leave and my colleagues wished me luck yet again. Yet again I my excitement level was high for train journey always excites me. railway stations have contributed more than anything in bringing the world closer. you always bump into some long lost frnd of yours. i also met one. his jubilation at seeing me was instantaneous

"oh my god , you have turned to such smart , handsome and dashing hunk. a few pounds added here n there notwithstanding. and like they say' BALD IS BEAUTIFUL'.

he is such a sweetheart, never hurtful but never misses a point. he even went a step further and suggested a few quick fix to hair loss. however, i forgave and forgot him in the excitement of the journey. even with a confirmed seat ,i was the first one hovering over the chart minutely scanning it for all F 16 to F 36 types. but i have never found favour with the lady luck. and when the lady luck smiles at me the lady in front doesn't. haan if they smile its only for 'bhaiya, can you fetch me a bottle of water from the platform',

'yeah , sure why not ( not without a frown).

but this time it was insult added to the injury. guess what i heard last

"uncle, can you fetch me a bottle of water".( UNCLE???????????).

enough of it, no more of train journey. lets reach home. my mother is an ardent devotee. she spends 4 hours a day in front of the representatives of the 33 crore odd gods that we have. she has prayed to each one of these 33 crore odd well wishers for a beautiful, slim, educated,cultured, same caste and kundali waali bahu.aah...not many takers.but that history now. very recently she has turned liberal " beta , caste wont matter as long as long as we find a suitable gal for you( what a way to tell that there aren't gals in our caste finding you suitable,lets venture out in hope). she also spoke of going to kerala on a family trip, it economics working again- matter of demand and supply.

oh god if only i could get a posting to kerala- i call it quits with this thought .

good night

well ,you see gals, the appeal is desperate . help if you can, those who cant, kindly pass on this mail to 10 of your frnds. even if you do so, i cant promise any of those soaps dished out by chain mails but it might just help my cause, might just change things for better.

haan, change se yaad aaya.

there is nothing permanent except change...................and receding hairline.............and growing waist line after 30".

WHO LET THE DOGS OUT


Correct me if I am wrong, but inspecions seem to serve a strange purpose (Don’t misquote me, I never said that they don’t serve any purpose). The inspecting officers generally have a liking for all that is good i.e. neat and clean roads, nicely laid out lines and offices, carefully trimmed plants and trees, boys in excellent turn out. And they get to see all that they want to see; the beds laid in the dormitories are a lesson in symmetry with exactly one pair of undergarments hanging to dry and exactly one pair of shoes for display. The toiletries on display would be brand new and you would think for once that all the inmates had finished with their toothpastes together.

And then, there are some inspecting officers with their particular likes and aversions. Someone is accustomed to seeing everything in a straight line and you will find even the trees so aligned that a geometry student can be put to shame. Somebody loves to see the surrounding green and the instances of trees made to grow overnight aren’t a rarity.

The inspecting officer in this particular instance has particular aversion to stray dogs and cattle moving around. When his visit is scheduled, the wheel set rolling, the roads are broomed more than a young damsel’s hair is combed, plants get geru chuna with more regularity than they get watered, everything from trees to stones to furniture is put in line. That cant be put in line is put out of sight. All that is in line gets its share of geru, chuna and paint with the main entrance getting the lion’s share. Here special emphasis is being put on combating dog menace. Sentries have been placed at all possible points of infiltration and have been briefed to sue away any dog as soon as one is seen.

On the fateful day, the whole hierarchy takes its turn to ascertain that the arrangements are foolproof. The point about dogs has been driven home so much so that the sentries are more on the lookout for the dogs than the VIP.

Finally the visit has commenced. The commanding officer conducts the VIP around and as the visit progresses, he feels more and more confident. Even a flicker of smile is seen on his face when the inspecting officer conveys his encouragement. Smile …. such precious smile, it had eluded him the day the news of visit was broken to him. And smile eludes him once more, for he can see a dog on to his right.

Thousand things of interest appear suddenly…all on to the left. He points them all to the VIP hoping all the while that the VIP’s interest remains alive. Gradually he feels safer as the vehicle moves ahead and the dog is slowly left behind. And then suddenly Bhoun…..bhoun…..bhoun.

Sep kuldeep singh is at his wits end. He can’t understand why is he being hauled up. All that was told to him was to keep the dogs away and all that he did was to throw a stone at the dog as soon as he saw one. He had even complimented himself for such an accurate hit.

click it.... read it ..... forget it

The memory has a way of failing you when you need it most ....like any other good frnd . And like any other good frnd it fails you in more ways than one. it has happened to you,me and all. now comon dont hide it . when was it last that you met a frnd of your and just in time it so happened that you couldnt recollect his name. look how the conversation goes: -



PRASHANT : - arre YAAR , tu yahan kaise , waht a pleasent surprise.


FRIEND:- bas yaar PRASHANT, main abhi abhi posting aaya hoon . tu bata .


PRASHANT:- bas DOSST, chal rahi hai gadi . tu bata NEHA ( how could you forget his wife's name) ka kya haal hai. aur BETA ( who the hell wants to remember his name ) jyada pareshan to nahin kar raha.

FRIEND:- nahin yaar ,ANSHUDEEP (son ) is such a darling , kabhi bhi pareshan nahin karta.

( ohhhh..... now I remember ,my friend is ANSHUMAAN..... eh i always knew it )

PRASHANT:- arre ANSHUMAAN yaar ( you need to emphesize thata you remember his name ....off course), thats gr8, chalo now that we r in same station , we will keep bumping into each other . NEHA ko mera hi bolna.

so that was it , but i m not here to tell you whether NEHA invited me over dinner at her place or not. have you forgotten, we are talking of forgetfulness.......right?????

so the stage setting is of my home and i m on my annual leave. while i m on leave , i m known to be quite ' NIKKAMMA'. nikkamma ,because back home nobody gives me a work to do . reason is easy enough to guess...because nobody entrusts me with a task . those who entrusted have fared badly.

for example my mom would tell me to fetch tomato , potato and onion and for sure i ll return home with one item less. she would tell me to pick up my sister from college and i wont move until i am reminded of it. half an hours delay is to be expected only natural. i can attribute this forgetfulness to many different things, but irresponsibilty comes as the natural and most honest answer. i have felt really guilty about it at times and one fine day i said that it , now i shall be more careful.

the occasion to prove myself comes rather early as my mom tells me only two things (rather apprehensive she is, even after my promise to change for better). " beta , get these medicenes and collect the photographs from the studio."

yeah , i am going to change for better. after all forgetfulness is only an euphamism for being careless. i'll prove to be more responsible....... my bike kicks off . all the way to the market i keep reminding myself ....... photographs ....medicines .....photographs ........medicines.

i actually have to meet my friend also . after all i have come on leave after such a long while . but ..no , first thing first .....photographs.......medicines......photographs.......medicines.

i reach the studio.

"bhaiya, yeh photographs aap aaj dene waale the. yeh develop ho gaya hai kya."

" haan bhai , yeh lo tumhare photographs . 50 rs advance diye the , 100 rs balance hain".

"oh...... thik hai bhaiya, main inhe shaam ko collect kar loonga".

oh good god ...... guess what ...... I HAVE FORGOTTEN MY PURSE.